Oct. 12, 2025
TMIT 31: The Collison Brothers (An Extra Ordinary Family)
We’re kicking off a side quest called Extraordinary Families — stories of real families whose everyday cultural habits added up to something remarkable.
This week, we’re diving into the upbringing of Patrick and John Collison, the Irish brothers who went on to found Stripe, one of the most successful fintech companies in the world. But this isn’t a story about money, luck, or talent; it’s a story about culture.
Here’s what we explore:
1️⃣ The Paradox of Environment
How the Collison boys grew up in rural isolation without the internet but were surrounded by books, curiosity, and the freedom to explore.
2️⃣ High Standards + High Support
The parenting balance that gave them both autonomy and accountability (including the month they were left home alone at ages 10 and 12!).
3️⃣ A Bigger Picture Perspective
How parents modeling their own ambitions and exposing their kids to the wider world shaped the boys’ mindset for lifelong learning.
Along the way, we connect lessons from Carl Jung, Daniel Coyle, and David Yeager to family culture — from how we normalize boredom to how we help our kids earn status through contribution.
Maybe raising extraordinary kids isn’t about doing more. Maybe it’s about creating the space for ordinary moments to grow into something extraordinary.
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Don't forget the clap.
Too many things, OK?
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Welcome to the most important
thing.
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I'm Danielle.
And I'm Greg and together we're
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looking at Week 3 of the NF LS,
no.
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No, we're not.
We're exploring family, culture
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and leadership at home.
That's right.
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Which is what we're here to do.
That's right.
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Yeah.
And I'm so excited because today
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we are starting a little side
quest, yeah, something we are
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calling extraordinary families,
not extraordinary, though they
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are that too.
Yeah, but like, attainable.
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Just really trying to understand
in the real world, some families
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that have done something a
little special or different or
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distinctive.
So if the most important thing
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is about family culture and
exploring it in all ways.
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To date, we've really focused on
research and experiments we can
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run at home, which feels good
for the 1st 30 episodes or so,
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right?
Because we really needed to lay
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the foundation.
But we also have a different way
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of looking at family culture,
and that's from researching real
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life families.
That's right.
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Yeah, that's exactly right.
Cool.
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Yeah, Starting with the
Collision brothers.
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Yeah.
So I've heard a lot about the
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Collision's over the years.
They are the founders of Stripe.
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Well, Patrick and John Collision
are, I have heard great things
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about the brothers.
I have heard incredible things
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about the company culture.
And all that I know is that
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they're high flying Y Combinator
company that now processes over
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1 1/2 trillion dollars worth of
payments and were valued at over
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$100 billion.
That people love to work there
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and that they have this culture
of writing, you know, very
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writing first.
But as it relates to the
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upbringing or the childhood, I
had no idea about Patrick and
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John Carlson, but I wanted to
learn more because it feels like
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these two Irish brothers, well,
these three Irish brothers
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really had an upbringing that
allowed them to flourish.
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Yeah.
And so we're not trying to
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reverse engineer billionaires or
raise future pop stars, despite
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what Hunter may say, right?
But we are curious about the
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ordinary cultural habits that
add up in extraordinary lives.
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And So what we'd like to do
today and in these types of
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episodes going forward is use
them as an opportunity to notice
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the everyday patterns and values
that these families may have, so
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that when we notice them in our
own families, we can lean into
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them with confidence.
Yes.
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And I think that what we're
about to talk about, you'll
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notice a lot in your own
families.
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So these are not unattainable
things.
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Yeah, that's right.
Cool.
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So when we dug into the
Tolleson's childhood, right,
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what stood out wasn't capital or
lucky breaks.
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It was almost boring sounding
stuff.
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So books everywhere, long
stretches of boredom, parents
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who trusted them, siblings
pushing each other, and parents
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doing their own work instead of
hovering.
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Space to explore.
I love that.
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Yeah.
I think that's a theme that's
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going to come up throughout
today's episode.
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Yes, exactly.
And we learned a lot about the
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Collision Brothers mostly from
the interviews that Patrick.
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Yes.
So we'll put all of those in the
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show notes, but basically, if we
could find it out there, whether
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it's podcasts or articles where
the collisions, either Patrick
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or John are talking about their
family culture and their
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upbringing, we reviewed it.
Yes, we did.
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Exactly.
OK, great.
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So let's dig in.
There are three distinctive
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aspects of the collision
childhood that we'd like to go
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through today, and I'll just
share them as an outline what to
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expect.
And so the first is the
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environment.
And the environment in which the
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collisions grew up was really a
paradox, if you will, because it
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was on the one hand empty and
boring and on the other
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expansive.
And in Patrick's words, they
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were showed the world.
So we'll dig into that.
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Two, this idea of their parents
as mentors.
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I think there's a lot about how
to be great parents today and
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how to raise an entrepreneur,
but it seems as though their
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parents really provided the high
standards and high support that
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they needed to thrive.
And then the third is this
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bigger picture perspective.
So whether it was being thrown
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into the mix with guests at the
dinner table or being left alone
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for weeks due to their brother's
illness and a surgery that had
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to happen across the seas, they
were consistently shown respect
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by their parents and treated as
adults and shown that the world
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is so much bigger than their
small tip.
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Henry Ireland, right?
Yeah.
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Cool.
So let's get started with the
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environment.
So as Carl Jung says, only the
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paradox comes anywhere near to
comprehending the fullness of
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life.
And I love this idea because it
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does really see seem like their
childhood was a true
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juxtaposition of the empty and
the expansive.
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On the one hand, they grew up in
very rural Ireland, living very
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far away even from their school
friends.
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And they didn't have the
Internet for the 1st 15 years of
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their lives.
In Patrick's words, we had to
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figure out for ourselves what
was going to be entertaining and
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interesting and fun.
It wasn't just provided to us by
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the environment.
And so we grew up as these free
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range children.
But on the other hand, there
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were books everywhere.
Everywhere.
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It sounds like their house was
an invitation to learning.
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And this is something that is
clearly modelled intentionally
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by their parents who are busy
entrepreneurs, and we'll get to
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that.
But the idea of having books
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everywhere.
So even if they that they were
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bored, there would be plenty of
stimulation in the sense of
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unfettered access to new worlds.
And we hear Patrick saying, our
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parents had lots of books.
And so we could Burrow our way
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sequentially through the
shelves.
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The idea here is that there's
identity tied up in books, that
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these are artifacts and they
signal to the kids, hey, this is
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who we are, right?
So the books being visible,
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accessible everywhere.
And this actually comes through
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today in in Patrick's life.
He puts books out throughout his
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home and probably his office as
an invitation books he hasn't
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read yet so that the right book
might find him at the right
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moment.
And I love this because
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knowledge, curiosity, reading
part of daily life.
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Like, obviously we all say that,
but this really shows to the
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young brothers that, you know,
they're stuck in rural Ireland,
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but they can escape anywhere
they want just by picking up a
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book, right?
I love this idea of books and
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self study culture that really
reminds me of the Wright
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brothers, the people that in 19
O three were the first to fly an
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aircraft right.
And I read a book by David
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McCullough on the Wright
brothers, Orville and Wilbur.
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And it was extremely clear in
their childhood that they had
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access and permission to explore
the books in their home and to
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live and intellectual life.
So their father was actually a
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Bishop.
And so they had two libraries at
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home.
One was religious and one was
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everything else.
But the thing that struck me the
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most was that David McCullough
wrote that the father would
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allow them to skip school if
they were immersed in a book.
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Imagine.
It's not just this invitation to
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read books.
It's the space to explore.
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Yes, so it's no.
We value your reading, therefore
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you can skip school.
Another thing that we value, but
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you can skip school if you are
immersed in a good text.
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Yep, exactly.
But like, what's our version of
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that?
So like, how how would we react,
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You know, with one of our kids
was like, hey, you know, I'm
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making a movie and I've got this
whole neighborhood together and
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we're all we're all going to
skip school.
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Like is our reaction to be like,
no, you can't do that like.
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Well, that's why I think
understanding extraordinary
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families and reading about them
and exploring them is so cool.
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Not because I'm going to be
like, hey kids, you're skipping
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school for the next three days,
figure out how to make a movie.
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But when these opportunities
present themselves, perhaps I'm
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a little bit more at ease and a
little bit more interested in
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allowing them to pursue it.
Yes, right.
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So we've all we've talked about
rural Ireland, boredom, lots of
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books, right?
And.
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Now.
Unfettered access to books.
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On top of that, you know, they
quote, they took us to the
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library every day, They took us
traveling in the summers.
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If there were interesting guests
coming over for dinner, we
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weren't dispatched upstairs or
told to get an early dinner
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before the adults came.
We were thrust right into the
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middle.
So they really took us seriously
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and showed us the world.
And what Patrick is saying there
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is like, they're not going on,
you know, jet settings, safari,
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like, you know, like luxury
cruises, Like they went to a few
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countries here and there.
They went camping, They took Rd.
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trips.
Like they're doing ordinary
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stuff, but they're feeling like
their parents showed them the
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world.
Yeah, I like this guests at the
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dinner table idea like a good
new Feld experiment might be
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like having somebody that we
here is visiting Del Rey and
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inviting them over for Sunday
brunch, something like that.
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Yeah, yes.
So that we bring a different
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culture, different energy into
the home.
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Yes, I think that's right.
OK, so suffice it to say that
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their environment was truly a
paradox.
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This juxtaposition of boredom
and nature and a free range
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childhood on one hand with the
fact that they felt that they
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were thrust into the middle and
showed the world on the other.
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Yeah, cool.
It's so cool.
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Very cool.
OK, so the second one, their
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parents demonstrated this
beautiful mix of high standards
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and high support.
So whether you call it
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authoritative parenting or
Doctor David Yeager's mentor
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mindset, from what Patrick talks
about when he speaks about the
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agency and autonomy that they
were given as children, it seems
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like at least for Patrick and
John, it was the right approach.
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And so on the high standard
side, Patrick says they gave us
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a lot of freedom.
And on the other hand, they
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expected quite a lot of us.
So in particular, he tells the
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story about when they were left
alone for about a month.
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And he says, so our youngest
brother had to get some pretty
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major surgery in the US back
when John and I were 10 or 12
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thereabouts.
And so they were gone to the US
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for several weeks, maybe more
than months, and we were left
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mostly alone for that month.
We had a neighbor who checked in
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on us every day and made sure
things were fine, But we spent
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most of the time alone that we
weren't at school.
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And for myself and John's
standpoint, that was fantastic.
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We loved the freedom.
But of course, and this is the
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key aspect, but of course they
reciprocally expected us not to
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give them 'cause to regret it.
Yeah.
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So I think this says so much.
Yeah, you've been talking for
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the last few weeks about this
high standards and high support
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model.
And I'm so happy that it came
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out here in this episode because
like, this is one of the best
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examples I've ever seen, right?
Where a 10 and 12 year old are
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able.
They're like in the space where
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they can be left at home.
And this is not in 1972, this is
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not in 1823.
This is in probably. 2000
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Because Patrick was.
Born in this is so this is very
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recently and a 10 and 12 year
old are left at home for a
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month.
Like, high standards, high
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support, right?
Yeah.
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I mean, in I'm reading this book
10 to 25, which is the ages that
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the book talks about, as you
said, by Doctor David Yeager.
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And I would go as far to say as
that this is actually fueling
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their growth.
This isn't just a hardship that
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these children went through, but
I think that Doctor David
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Yeager's book is a lot about the
status and respect that
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motivates young people, which
from an anthropological
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perspective makes so much sense,
right?
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Because this is once you hit
puberty, Hunter gatherer
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societies, our ancestors, if you
didn't contribute to the tribe,
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they would have no use for you,
right?
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Like once you once you're done
being a baby, once you're done
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being a child, you everything in
your body wants to contribute,
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wants to earn status and
respect.
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To me, this the same idea comes
back to like rites of passage,
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right?
It's something that I hope we
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can spend more time talking
about on this podcast because I
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think that providing
opportunities, be they
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environmentally necessary, such
as in this case because their
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younger brother Tommy had
cerebral palsy and needed major
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surgery in the US, or be them
something that parents really
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scaffold and encourage.
I think that finding
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opportunities for children to
step out of childhood and into
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adulthood, to bridge through
status and respect through space
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is really important to
adolescents and to growth.
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So that was high standards.
And then do you want to talk
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about high support?
Sure.
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So I mean high support.
This is probably the biggest
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case in point, though I might be
a little bit careful of what I
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say around my mom next time if I
were Patrick.
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00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:43,760
So Patrick is like, you know, 11
or 12.
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And he's kind of like reading
some things.
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And he's like, man, it would be
kind of cool to study ancient
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Greek.
And his mom overhears this, and
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she goes and finds a monk at the
monastery nearby.
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And every week for two years,
Patrick goes and takes ancient
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Greek lessons from this monk.
And like, you know, he said it
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was just, I was just saying that
as some kind of random throwaway
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remark, I guess, the way a kid
does.
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So I thought that was so funny
that that is like very high
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support.
And the fact that he kept doing
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it must have meant that his mom
saw him, that she was like, oh,
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he can really use that.
So I love this story.
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I do too.
I think that this is the part
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00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:30,760
that in our culture today is
very well emphasized this high
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00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,280
support, sure.
And this like seeing your child
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00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:38,520
and matching the interests of
your child with opportunities
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with tutors or extracurriculars
or sports or music.
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Like I think that most parents
today are doing an excellent job
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of providing high support.
And maybe this is just, I have a
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00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:53,480
little bit of a chip on my
shoulder about this, but I see
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00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,680
so much high support.
I would love to see more high
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standards.
I know that I can be a bit blunt
270
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:04,400
with my standards to say the
least, but I want to believe
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that it's really this balance of
yes, I have AI, have a career of
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00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,480
my own.
Yes, you have a brother who
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needs a ton of my attention.
But I still see you, Patrick.
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And so when you mention that
you're interested in ancient
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Greek, I'm going to find you
someone to help you pursue that
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interest.
I want to believe that it's a
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piece of the pie.
It is not my job, as your mom is
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to fan every flame of interest
that you ever spark.
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00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,720
Yeah.
I think this is one of those,
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00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:41,080
like, anecdotes that actually
says a lot more about, you know,
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00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:44,120
how he's praising his mom for
finding somebody that could
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00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,800
actually do that versus, like,
the idea that she provided
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00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:52,120
support to him.
It's almost like he's very proud
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00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:54,760
of the resourcefulness of his
mother.
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00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,000
OK.
And then #3 so, so far, we've
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00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,960
talked about the environment,
the parents as mentors, and then
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00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:05,359
#3 the big picture perspective.
And this is one that, at least
288
00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:09,200
for me, has really gotten lost
in today's discussion of family
289
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:14,119
culture until now.
That is really, what is it all
290
00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:16,200
for?
What is the meaning?
291
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:19,119
What is your contribution to the
world?
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00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:23,880
So it's not just high standards
and high support in a vacuum.
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00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:26,720
The third leg of the stool.
And this is something that
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00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,920
Daniel Coyle in The Culture
Code, he talks about Gregg
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00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:33,960
Popovich's three belonging cues
and they essentially are high
296
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,520
standards, high support.
And then this third, the third
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00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:39,600
leg of the stool being this
bigger picture perspective.
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00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:45,240
So he was famous for bringing
ball players in and they were
299
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,560
thinking they were going to have
a practice when really they were
300
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:50,320
watching a civil rights movie
and having a discussion about
301
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,320
it.
And it was consistently giving
302
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:55,960
them opportunities to talk about
how life is bigger than
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00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:59,480
basketball.
And I think that connecting the
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00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,880
team, connecting the daily
struggles to the universal
305
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:07,200
themes of being a contributing
citizen in this world is an
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00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:11,480
incredibly important aspect of
what we're talking about here.
307
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:15,000
Yeah, no, I couldn't agree more.
I I love the big picture
308
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,840
perspective.
So I think this happened for the
309
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:19,120
call of sins in a couple of
ways.
310
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:23,200
Obviously, as we mentioned,
Tommy's illness was a big, it
311
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,080
was a big factor in their life
that there's been qualitative
312
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:28,320
research that shows that growing
up with a sibling that has a
313
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:32,200
disadvantage or a disability in
some way really not only
314
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:36,280
contributes to character traits
like responsibility or social
315
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:40,480
sensitivity, but also sometimes
shape the career and life
316
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:43,040
trajectories of these
individuals.
317
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:46,040
I do think that there's
something to this, and I know
318
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:50,080
that there are certainly
maladaptive traits such as
319
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:54,280
increase anxiety and stress that
come from having a sibling that
320
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:59,320
has disadvantages as well, but
it does seem like it can shape
321
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,560
an individual for the stronger,
if you will.
322
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,640
I mean, I can certainly believe
that.
323
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,920
Yeah.
And then the other aspect of
324
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:13,280
this idea of a bigger picture
perspective is that their
325
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,000
parents were climbing their own
mountains.
326
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,320
Yes, they were both
entrepreneurs.
327
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:21,440
Yes, that's right.
So the father is a electrical
328
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:26,440
engineer, but as far as the back
story goes, he ran a 24 room
329
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:32,560
hotel in Ireland and the mom who
was a trained microbiologist
330
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,960
started a corporate training
company that she ran out of the
331
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:38,840
hotel.
So the idea here is that running
332
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:46,160
two businesses in Plainview of
the Boys is normalizing
333
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,640
entrepreneurship.
It's just saying, hey, you know
334
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,760
what?
Like you go and you build the
335
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,840
thing that you want to build and
do the thing that you want to
336
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,800
do.
Yeah, I mean, Patrick really
337
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:59,960
speaks to this when he says
entrepreneur is a long, fancy
338
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:01,640
French word.
But it didn't seem like
339
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:05,240
something you aspire to.
It seemed normal because, and
340
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:09,040
this is the key point, whatever
your parents do seems normal.
341
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,720
And so I do think that they had
a bit of a leg up when it comes
342
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:17,120
to entrepreneurial endeavors
because they went down to the
343
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:22,400
hotel consistently growing up,
right, and spent a lot of time
344
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,120
there.
And that was also where their
345
00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:26,920
mom started a corporate training
company.
346
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:30,720
So it seems like they very much
understood what was happening in
347
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,960
the day-to-day to their of their
parents businesses.
348
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:38,120
And I really saw them work hard.
And I think that that is also a
349
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:42,840
consistent theme that we see in
many of these extraordinary
350
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:46,600
families, that consistent idea
that life is about climbing your
351
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:50,240
own mountains.
Well, and climb the Collisons
352
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:54,240
did.
So to round out the story.
353
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:59,520
When Patrick was 15, he took a
transition year, studied
354
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:04,880
computer science and went to a
very technical conference in
355
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:09,600
California at Stanford, where he
saw what the US was capable of.
356
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:14,080
And he said, I got to go there,
so let me figure out how to get
357
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,480
out of the education system in
Ireland.
358
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:22,360
And so he took a test in the UK.
His brother John followed suit.
359
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:27,320
They both went to the US but not
before they started and built
360
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,760
Optimatic which was a tool
company for eBay sellers which
361
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:34,960
they sold in 2008 when they were
19 and 17.
362
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:40,760
They sold that for $5,000,000
and then they went to MIT but
363
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:46,560
dropped out and started Stripe
out of MIT which they never
364
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,600
finished.
They went to Y Combinator in
365
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:54,840
Palo Alto in 2010 or 2011 and Co
founded Stripe which raised like
366
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:58,400
2,000,000 bucks from Sequoia and
Peter Thiel and Andreessen
367
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:03,320
Horowitz and Elon Musk and then
in 2016 made the brothers the
368
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:07,160
world's youngest self-made
billionaires when Stripe was
369
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,400
valued at over almost $10
billion.
370
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:13,480
As of last year, Stripe
processed $1.4 trillion in
371
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,760
payments which is up 38% year
over year.
372
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:21,880
They now power half the fortune,
180% of the Forbes Cloud 100,
373
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:27,680
78% of the Forbes AI 50 and
their latest valuation, this is
374
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:32,080
a dated mark, is 91 1/2 billion
as of early 2025.
375
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,520
So they went from rural Ireland
to building a massive fintech
376
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,960
company with a distinctive
company culture.
377
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:42,640
And this seems to be, for many
reasons, a family worth study.
378
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:44,240
I think so.
OK.
379
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:48,640
So to recap, when we take a look
under the hood of the Callicens,
380
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:52,800
from what we can see is in an
environment with the
381
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:59,280
juxtaposition of boredom and
adventure, parents who struck
382
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,520
the right balance of high
support and high standards when
383
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:06,880
it came to their children,
fostering a culture of status
384
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:11,080
and respect.
They provided opportunities for
385
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,480
bigger picture perspective.
Yes.
386
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:17,480
So what are you really taking
away from this exploration that
387
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,240
we've done?
Yeah, I I don't think that I had
388
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,520
said it out loud until after
reading this before, but I've
389
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:26,960
been thinking it for a while,
which is there is no such thing
390
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,000
as boredom.
Yeah, you said that a couple
391
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,520
times in the House this weekend.
Yeah, I did.
392
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:39,720
I just it, it does not exist.
And if you're feeling bored, if
393
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:43,680
your kids are feeling bored,
it's not because they don't know
394
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:46,800
what to do, it's because they
want attention.
395
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:51,120
I always say boredom's a choice.
Yeah, but I think that a boredom
396
00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:54,320
is a lack of feeling like
someone is giving you attention
397
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:59,200
as opposed to I don't know what
to do What?
398
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:01,820
What about you?
What's your What's your big take
399
00:24:01,820 --> 00:24:04,800
away?
Well, of course, I really love
400
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:08,040
the parents climbing their own
mountains piece of this.
401
00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:15,800
I think that it's really cool to
think that I can do something,
402
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:19,240
that I can follow my own
passions and curiosities, and
403
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,520
that can be a model for our
children as opposed to something
404
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:24,920
that takes away from my
parenting.
405
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,560
And really, what I said at the
top of the episode is just like,
406
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:30,680
something to lean into with
confidence as opposed to
407
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,160
wondering if I'm doing the right
thing.
408
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,160
Yeah.
And then this idea of artifacts
409
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,720
that we've talked about, like,
really what is in the
410
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:38,960
environment that our children
will pick up on that we want
411
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:43,880
them to lean into at at least
provide the invitation, Yeah.
412
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:45,320
Absolutely.
Cool.
413
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:47,880
I think they've given us a lot
to think about the Collison
414
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,080
brothers and I'm excited.
I know Patrick Collison got
415
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:54,000
married in 2022, I believe.
Oh, cool.
416
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,240
And so at least as far as I
could tell, the no children yet.
417
00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,920
But I'm excited to hear how they
raised their kids.
418
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:01,640
Yeah, exactly.
Let the.
419
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,120
Story continue.
Everything here is ordinary,
420
00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:05,880
just a little extraordinary.
That's right.
421
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:09,200
That's why we're calling this
extraordinary families.
422
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,000
Exactly.
So thanks everybody for joining
423
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,840
us for extraordinary families,
the Collison brothers.
424
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:15,080
Yeah, we'll.
See you again soon.
425
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:18,440
Yes, Lovey Greasy.
Hey guys, if you're still here,
426
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:20,120
you're definitely our kind of
person.
427
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,120
Thanks for spending this time
with us on The Most Important
428
00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:25,680
Thing.
If this episode resonated with
429
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,120
you, we'd love for you to follow
us wherever you get your
430
00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:30,320
podcasts and share it with
someone else.
431
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,040
Building family culture on
purpose.
00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:31,680
Don't forget the clap.
Too many things, OK?
2
00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:34,160
Welcome to the most important
thing.
3
00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:37,080
I'm Danielle.
And I'm Greg and together we're
4
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,240
looking at Week 3 of the NF LS,
no.
5
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:43,240
No, we're not.
We're exploring family, culture
6
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:44,680
and leadership at home.
That's right.
7
00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:46,880
Which is what we're here to do.
That's right.
8
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,000
Yeah.
And I'm so excited because today
9
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,840
we are starting a little side
quest, yeah, something we are
10
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:57,800
calling extraordinary families,
not extraordinary, though they
11
00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:01,160
are that too.
Yeah, but like, attainable.
12
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:08,320
Just really trying to understand
in the real world, some families
13
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:11,920
that have done something a
little special or different or
14
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,560
distinctive.
So if the most important thing
15
00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:17,760
is about family culture and
exploring it in all ways.
16
00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:21,600
To date, we've really focused on
research and experiments we can
17
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:25,920
run at home, which feels good
for the 1st 30 episodes or so,
18
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,920
right?
Because we really needed to lay
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00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:32,440
the foundation.
But we also have a different way
20
00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:36,200
of looking at family culture,
and that's from researching real
21
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:37,720
life families.
That's right.
22
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:39,520
Yeah, that's exactly right.
Cool.
23
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:42,200
Yeah, Starting with the
Collision brothers.
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00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,480
Yeah.
So I've heard a lot about the
25
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:48,400
Collision's over the years.
They are the founders of Stripe.
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00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:54,560
Well, Patrick and John Collision
are, I have heard great things
27
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:58,600
about the brothers.
I have heard incredible things
28
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:03,840
about the company culture.
And all that I know is that
29
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:08,199
they're high flying Y Combinator
company that now processes over
30
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:13,040
1 1/2 trillion dollars worth of
payments and were valued at over
31
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$100 billion.
That people love to work there
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00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:21,480
and that they have this culture
of writing, you know, very
33
00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:24,880
writing first.
But as it relates to the
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00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:28,680
upbringing or the childhood, I
had no idea about Patrick and
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00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:32,800
John Carlson, but I wanted to
learn more because it feels like
36
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:35,680
these two Irish brothers, well,
these three Irish brothers
37
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,400
really had an upbringing that
allowed them to flourish.
38
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,880
Yeah.
And so we're not trying to
39
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:47,040
reverse engineer billionaires or
raise future pop stars, despite
40
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:50,880
what Hunter may say, right?
But we are curious about the
41
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:55,400
ordinary cultural habits that
add up in extraordinary lives.
42
00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:59,280
And So what we'd like to do
today and in these types of
43
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:03,640
episodes going forward is use
them as an opportunity to notice
44
00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:08,120
the everyday patterns and values
that these families may have, so
45
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,600
that when we notice them in our
own families, we can lean into
46
00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,080
them with confidence.
Yes.
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00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,320
And I think that what we're
about to talk about, you'll
48
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,200
notice a lot in your own
families.
49
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,400
So these are not unattainable
things.
50
00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,400
Yeah, that's right.
Cool.
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00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:28,880
So when we dug into the
Tolleson's childhood, right,
52
00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:32,800
what stood out wasn't capital or
lucky breaks.
53
00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,800
It was almost boring sounding
stuff.
54
00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:40,480
So books everywhere, long
stretches of boredom, parents
55
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,720
who trusted them, siblings
pushing each other, and parents
56
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:46,320
doing their own work instead of
hovering.
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00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,320
Space to explore.
I love that.
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00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:50,640
Yeah.
I think that's a theme that's
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00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,760
going to come up throughout
today's episode.
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00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:57,400
Yes, exactly.
And we learned a lot about the
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00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:01,520
Collision Brothers mostly from
the interviews that Patrick.
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00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,280
Yes.
So we'll put all of those in the
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00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:08,720
show notes, but basically, if we
could find it out there, whether
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00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:12,120
it's podcasts or articles where
the collisions, either Patrick
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00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,440
or John are talking about their
family culture and their
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00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:17,959
upbringing, we reviewed it.
Yes, we did.
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00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,079
Exactly.
OK, great.
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00:04:20,079 --> 00:04:24,240
So let's dig in.
There are three distinctive
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00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,520
aspects of the collision
childhood that we'd like to go
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00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:30,000
through today, and I'll just
share them as an outline what to
71
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,000
expect.
And so the first is the
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00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:35,760
environment.
And the environment in which the
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00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:38,920
collisions grew up was really a
paradox, if you will, because it
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00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:43,400
was on the one hand empty and
boring and on the other
75
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,280
expansive.
And in Patrick's words, they
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00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:48,880
were showed the world.
So we'll dig into that.
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00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:52,360
Two, this idea of their parents
as mentors.
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00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:56,080
I think there's a lot about how
to be great parents today and
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00:04:56,080 --> 00:05:00,040
how to raise an entrepreneur,
but it seems as though their
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00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:05,400
parents really provided the high
standards and high support that
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00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,920
they needed to thrive.
And then the third is this
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00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:13,160
bigger picture perspective.
So whether it was being thrown
83
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:17,520
into the mix with guests at the
dinner table or being left alone
84
00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:20,440
for weeks due to their brother's
illness and a surgery that had
85
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:25,040
to happen across the seas, they
were consistently shown respect
86
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:29,240
by their parents and treated as
adults and shown that the world
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00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:33,520
is so much bigger than their
small tip.
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00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:35,600
Henry Ireland, right?
Yeah.
89
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:40,040
Cool.
So let's get started with the
90
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:43,000
environment.
So as Carl Jung says, only the
91
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:46,320
paradox comes anywhere near to
comprehending the fullness of
92
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:49,960
life.
And I love this idea because it
93
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:54,000
does really see seem like their
childhood was a true
94
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:57,080
juxtaposition of the empty and
the expansive.
95
00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:01,880
On the one hand, they grew up in
very rural Ireland, living very
96
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,920
far away even from their school
friends.
97
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,800
And they didn't have the
Internet for the 1st 15 years of
98
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:10,800
their lives.
In Patrick's words, we had to
99
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,920
figure out for ourselves what
was going to be entertaining and
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00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,280
interesting and fun.
It wasn't just provided to us by
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00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:20,600
the environment.
And so we grew up as these free
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00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,600
range children.
But on the other hand, there
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00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,120
were books everywhere.
Everywhere.
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00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:30,520
It sounds like their house was
an invitation to learning.
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00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:36,680
And this is something that is
clearly modelled intentionally
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00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:40,640
by their parents who are busy
entrepreneurs, and we'll get to
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00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:42,760
that.
But the idea of having books
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00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,760
everywhere.
So even if they that they were
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00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:48,960
bored, there would be plenty of
stimulation in the sense of
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00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:54,400
unfettered access to new worlds.
And we hear Patrick saying, our
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00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,400
parents had lots of books.
And so we could Burrow our way
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00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,840
sequentially through the
shelves.
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00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:05,320
The idea here is that there's
identity tied up in books, that
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00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:10,920
these are artifacts and they
signal to the kids, hey, this is
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00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:15,480
who we are, right?
So the books being visible,
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00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:19,320
accessible everywhere.
And this actually comes through
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00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:23,920
today in in Patrick's life.
He puts books out throughout his
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00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:28,040
home and probably his office as
an invitation books he hasn't
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00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:31,360
read yet so that the right book
might find him at the right
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00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:33,720
moment.
And I love this because
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00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:37,240
knowledge, curiosity, reading
part of daily life.
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00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:41,680
Like, obviously we all say that,
but this really shows to the
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00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:44,920
young brothers that, you know,
they're stuck in rural Ireland,
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00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,360
but they can escape anywhere
they want just by picking up a
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00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:50,400
book, right?
I love this idea of books and
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00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,320
self study culture that really
reminds me of the Wright
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00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:57,360
brothers, the people that in 19
O three were the first to fly an
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00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,680
aircraft right.
And I read a book by David
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00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,840
McCullough on the Wright
brothers, Orville and Wilbur.
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00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:06,520
And it was extremely clear in
their childhood that they had
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00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:10,120
access and permission to explore
the books in their home and to
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live and intellectual life.
So their father was actually a
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00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,240
Bishop.
And so they had two libraries at
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home.
One was religious and one was
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00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:20,000
everything else.
But the thing that struck me the
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00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:25,080
most was that David McCullough
wrote that the father would
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00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:30,560
allow them to skip school if
they were immersed in a book.
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00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,280
Imagine.
It's not just this invitation to
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00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:36,080
read books.
It's the space to explore.
140
00:08:36,159 --> 00:08:41,480
Yes, so it's no.
We value your reading, therefore
141
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:44,000
you can skip school.
Another thing that we value, but
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00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:47,160
you can skip school if you are
immersed in a good text.
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00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,720
Yep, exactly.
But like, what's our version of
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00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,760
that?
So like, how how would we react,
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You know, with one of our kids
was like, hey, you know, I'm
146
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:57,200
making a movie and I've got this
whole neighborhood together and
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00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:58,360
we're all we're all going to
skip school.
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00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:01,840
Like is our reaction to be like,
no, you can't do that like.
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00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:05,440
Well, that's why I think
understanding extraordinary
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00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:09,120
families and reading about them
and exploring them is so cool.
151
00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,280
Not because I'm going to be
like, hey kids, you're skipping
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00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:13,640
school for the next three days,
figure out how to make a movie.
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00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:17,240
But when these opportunities
present themselves, perhaps I'm
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00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,720
a little bit more at ease and a
little bit more interested in
155
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:23,200
allowing them to pursue it.
Yes, right.
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00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:27,720
So we've all we've talked about
rural Ireland, boredom, lots of
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00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:29,080
books, right?
And.
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00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:32,440
Now.
Unfettered access to books.
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00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:36,640
On top of that, you know, they
quote, they took us to the
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00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:39,040
library every day, They took us
traveling in the summers.
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00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,640
If there were interesting guests
coming over for dinner, we
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00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:44,560
weren't dispatched upstairs or
told to get an early dinner
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00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:47,960
before the adults came.
We were thrust right into the
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00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,840
middle.
So they really took us seriously
165
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:54,280
and showed us the world.
And what Patrick is saying there
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00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:59,600
is like, they're not going on,
you know, jet settings, safari,
167
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:04,360
like, you know, like luxury
cruises, Like they went to a few
168
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:07,080
countries here and there.
They went camping, They took Rd.
169
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:08,880
trips.
Like they're doing ordinary
170
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:12,280
stuff, but they're feeling like
their parents showed them the
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00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,800
world.
Yeah, I like this guests at the
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00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,800
dinner table idea like a good
new Feld experiment might be
173
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:23,320
like having somebody that we
here is visiting Del Rey and
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00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:26,800
inviting them over for Sunday
brunch, something like that.
175
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:30,600
Yeah, yes.
So that we bring a different
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00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,760
culture, different energy into
the home.
177
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:38,360
Yes, I think that's right.
OK, so suffice it to say that
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00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:41,040
their environment was truly a
paradox.
179
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:45,360
This juxtaposition of boredom
and nature and a free range
180
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:49,160
childhood on one hand with the
fact that they felt that they
181
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:53,200
were thrust into the middle and
showed the world on the other.
182
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,320
Yeah, cool.
It's so cool.
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00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,760
Very cool.
OK, so the second one, their
184
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:02,760
parents demonstrated this
beautiful mix of high standards
185
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:05,360
and high support.
So whether you call it
186
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:09,480
authoritative parenting or
Doctor David Yeager's mentor
187
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:14,680
mindset, from what Patrick talks
about when he speaks about the
188
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:19,640
agency and autonomy that they
were given as children, it seems
189
00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:23,680
like at least for Patrick and
John, it was the right approach.
190
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:29,040
And so on the high standard
side, Patrick says they gave us
191
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,360
a lot of freedom.
And on the other hand, they
192
00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:35,800
expected quite a lot of us.
So in particular, he tells the
193
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:39,320
story about when they were left
alone for about a month.
194
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:42,440
And he says, so our youngest
brother had to get some pretty
195
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:46,440
major surgery in the US back
when John and I were 10 or 12
196
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:49,520
thereabouts.
And so they were gone to the US
197
00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:52,960
for several weeks, maybe more
than months, and we were left
198
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:56,160
mostly alone for that month.
We had a neighbor who checked in
199
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:59,400
on us every day and made sure
things were fine, But we spent
200
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,760
most of the time alone that we
weren't at school.
201
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:05,400
And for myself and John's
standpoint, that was fantastic.
202
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,840
We loved the freedom.
But of course, and this is the
203
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:13,560
key aspect, but of course they
reciprocally expected us not to
204
00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:15,840
give them 'cause to regret it.
Yeah.
205
00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:22,200
So I think this says so much.
Yeah, you've been talking for
206
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,840
the last few weeks about this
high standards and high support
207
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,600
model.
And I'm so happy that it came
208
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:30,560
out here in this episode because
like, this is one of the best
209
00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:34,320
examples I've ever seen, right?
Where a 10 and 12 year old are
210
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,920
able.
They're like in the space where
211
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:41,320
they can be left at home.
And this is not in 1972, this is
212
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:45,720
not in 1823.
This is in probably. 2000
213
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,760
Because Patrick was.
Born in this is so this is very
214
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:51,680
recently and a 10 and 12 year
old are left at home for a
215
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:54,360
month.
Like, high standards, high
216
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:55,520
support, right?
Yeah.
217
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:59,720
I mean, in I'm reading this book
10 to 25, which is the ages that
218
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,080
the book talks about, as you
said, by Doctor David Yeager.
219
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:06,920
And I would go as far to say as
that this is actually fueling
220
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,720
their growth.
This isn't just a hardship that
221
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:12,720
these children went through, but
I think that Doctor David
222
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:15,880
Yeager's book is a lot about the
status and respect that
223
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:19,200
motivates young people, which
from an anthropological
224
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,000
perspective makes so much sense,
right?
225
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:24,160
Because this is once you hit
puberty, Hunter gatherer
226
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:28,600
societies, our ancestors, if you
didn't contribute to the tribe,
227
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,360
they would have no use for you,
right?
228
00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,760
Like once you once you're done
being a baby, once you're done
229
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:37,120
being a child, you everything in
your body wants to contribute,
230
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,720
wants to earn status and
respect.
231
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:44,480
To me, this the same idea comes
back to like rites of passage,
232
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,360
right?
It's something that I hope we
233
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,680
can spend more time talking
about on this podcast because I
234
00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:54,040
think that providing
opportunities, be they
235
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,160
environmentally necessary, such
as in this case because their
236
00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:00,160
younger brother Tommy had
cerebral palsy and needed major
237
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:05,240
surgery in the US, or be them
something that parents really
238
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:10,280
scaffold and encourage.
I think that finding
239
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:16,280
opportunities for children to
step out of childhood and into
240
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:21,560
adulthood, to bridge through
status and respect through space
241
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,440
is really important to
adolescents and to growth.
242
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:27,920
So that was high standards.
And then do you want to talk
243
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,040
about high support?
Sure.
244
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:33,400
So I mean high support.
This is probably the biggest
245
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:37,720
case in point, though I might be
a little bit careful of what I
246
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:39,920
say around my mom next time if I
were Patrick.
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So Patrick is like, you know, 11
or 12.
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And he's kind of like reading
some things.
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And he's like, man, it would be
kind of cool to study ancient
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Greek.
And his mom overhears this, and
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she goes and finds a monk at the
monastery nearby.
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And every week for two years,
Patrick goes and takes ancient
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Greek lessons from this monk.
And like, you know, he said it
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was just, I was just saying that
as some kind of random throwaway
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remark, I guess, the way a kid
does.
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So I thought that was so funny
that that is like very high
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00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,080
support.
And the fact that he kept doing
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it must have meant that his mom
saw him, that she was like, oh,
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he can really use that.
So I love this story.
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I do too.
I think that this is the part
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00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:30,760
that in our culture today is
very well emphasized this high
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00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,280
support, sure.
And this like seeing your child
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and matching the interests of
your child with opportunities
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with tutors or extracurriculars
or sports or music.
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Like I think that most parents
today are doing an excellent job
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of providing high support.
And maybe this is just, I have a
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00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:53,480
little bit of a chip on my
shoulder about this, but I see
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00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,680
so much high support.
I would love to see more high
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standards.
I know that I can be a bit blunt
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00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:04,400
with my standards to say the
least, but I want to believe
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00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:10,920
that it's really this balance of
yes, I have AI, have a career of
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my own.
Yes, you have a brother who
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needs a ton of my attention.
But I still see you, Patrick.
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And so when you mention that
you're interested in ancient
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Greek, I'm going to find you
someone to help you pursue that
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interest.
I want to believe that it's a
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piece of the pie.
It is not my job, as your mom is
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to fan every flame of interest
that you ever spark.
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Yeah.
I think this is one of those,
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00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:41,080
like, anecdotes that actually
says a lot more about, you know,
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00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:44,120
how he's praising his mom for
finding somebody that could
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00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,800
actually do that versus, like,
the idea that she provided
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00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:52,120
support to him.
It's almost like he's very proud
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of the resourcefulness of his
mother.
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OK.
And then #3 so, so far, we've
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00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,960
talked about the environment,
the parents as mentors, and then
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00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:05,359
#3 the big picture perspective.
And this is one that, at least
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00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:09,200
for me, has really gotten lost
in today's discussion of family
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00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:14,119
culture until now.
That is really, what is it all
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00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:16,200
for?
What is the meaning?
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00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:19,119
What is your contribution to the
world?
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00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:23,880
So it's not just high standards
and high support in a vacuum.
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00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:26,720
The third leg of the stool.
And this is something that
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00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,920
Daniel Coyle in The Culture
Code, he talks about Gregg
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00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:33,960
Popovich's three belonging cues
and they essentially are high
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00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,520
standards, high support.
And then this third, the third
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00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:39,600
leg of the stool being this
bigger picture perspective.
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00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:45,240
So he was famous for bringing
ball players in and they were
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00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,560
thinking they were going to have
a practice when really they were
300
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:50,320
watching a civil rights movie
and having a discussion about
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00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,320
it.
And it was consistently giving
302
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:55,960
them opportunities to talk about
how life is bigger than
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00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:59,480
basketball.
And I think that connecting the
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00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,880
team, connecting the daily
struggles to the universal
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00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:07,200
themes of being a contributing
citizen in this world is an
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00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:11,480
incredibly important aspect of
what we're talking about here.
307
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:15,000
Yeah, no, I couldn't agree more.
I I love the big picture
308
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,840
perspective.
So I think this happened for the
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00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:19,120
call of sins in a couple of
ways.
310
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:23,200
Obviously, as we mentioned,
Tommy's illness was a big, it
311
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,080
was a big factor in their life
that there's been qualitative
312
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:28,320
research that shows that growing
up with a sibling that has a
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00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:32,200
disadvantage or a disability in
some way really not only
314
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:36,280
contributes to character traits
like responsibility or social
315
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:40,480
sensitivity, but also sometimes
shape the career and life
316
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:43,040
trajectories of these
individuals.
317
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:46,040
I do think that there's
something to this, and I know
318
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:50,080
that there are certainly
maladaptive traits such as
319
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:54,280
increase anxiety and stress that
come from having a sibling that
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00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:59,320
has disadvantages as well, but
it does seem like it can shape
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00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,560
an individual for the stronger,
if you will.
322
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,640
I mean, I can certainly believe
that.
323
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,920
Yeah.
And then the other aspect of
324
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:13,280
this idea of a bigger picture
perspective is that their
325
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,000
parents were climbing their own
mountains.
326
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,320
Yes, they were both
entrepreneurs.
327
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:21,440
Yes, that's right.
So the father is a electrical
328
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:26,440
engineer, but as far as the back
story goes, he ran a 24 room
329
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:32,560
hotel in Ireland and the mom who
was a trained microbiologist
330
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,960
started a corporate training
company that she ran out of the
331
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:38,840
hotel.
So the idea here is that running
332
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:46,160
two businesses in Plainview of
the Boys is normalizing
333
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,640
entrepreneurship.
It's just saying, hey, you know
334
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,760
what?
Like you go and you build the
335
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,840
thing that you want to build and
do the thing that you want to
336
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,800
do.
Yeah, I mean, Patrick really
337
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:59,960
speaks to this when he says
entrepreneur is a long, fancy
338
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:01,640
French word.
But it didn't seem like
339
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:05,240
something you aspire to.
It seemed normal because, and
340
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:09,040
this is the key point, whatever
your parents do seems normal.
341
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,720
And so I do think that they had
a bit of a leg up when it comes
342
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:17,120
to entrepreneurial endeavors
because they went down to the
343
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:22,400
hotel consistently growing up,
right, and spent a lot of time
344
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,120
there.
And that was also where their
345
00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:26,920
mom started a corporate training
company.
346
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:30,720
So it seems like they very much
understood what was happening in
347
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,960
the day-to-day to their of their
parents businesses.
348
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:38,120
And I really saw them work hard.
And I think that that is also a
349
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:42,840
consistent theme that we see in
many of these extraordinary
350
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:46,600
families, that consistent idea
that life is about climbing your
351
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:50,240
own mountains.
Well, and climb the Collisons
352
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:54,240
did.
So to round out the story.
353
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:59,520
When Patrick was 15, he took a
transition year, studied
354
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:04,880
computer science and went to a
very technical conference in
355
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:09,600
California at Stanford, where he
saw what the US was capable of.
356
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:14,080
And he said, I got to go there,
so let me figure out how to get
357
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,480
out of the education system in
Ireland.
358
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:22,360
And so he took a test in the UK.
His brother John followed suit.
359
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:27,320
They both went to the US but not
before they started and built
360
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,760
Optimatic which was a tool
company for eBay sellers which
361
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:34,960
they sold in 2008 when they were
19 and 17.
362
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:40,760
They sold that for $5,000,000
and then they went to MIT but
363
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:46,560
dropped out and started Stripe
out of MIT which they never
364
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,600
finished.
They went to Y Combinator in
365
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:54,840
Palo Alto in 2010 or 2011 and Co
founded Stripe which raised like
366
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:58,400
2,000,000 bucks from Sequoia and
Peter Thiel and Andreessen
367
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:03,320
Horowitz and Elon Musk and then
in 2016 made the brothers the
368
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:07,160
world's youngest self-made
billionaires when Stripe was
369
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,400
valued at over almost $10
billion.
370
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:13,480
As of last year, Stripe
processed $1.4 trillion in
371
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,760
payments which is up 38% year
over year.
372
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:21,880
They now power half the fortune,
180% of the Forbes Cloud 100,
373
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:27,680
78% of the Forbes AI 50 and
their latest valuation, this is
374
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:32,080
a dated mark, is 91 1/2 billion
as of early 2025.
375
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,520
So they went from rural Ireland
to building a massive fintech
376
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,960
company with a distinctive
company culture.
377
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:42,640
And this seems to be, for many
reasons, a family worth study.
378
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:44,240
I think so.
OK.
379
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:48,640
So to recap, when we take a look
under the hood of the Callicens,
380
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:52,800
from what we can see is in an
environment with the
381
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:59,280
juxtaposition of boredom and
adventure, parents who struck
382
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,520
the right balance of high
support and high standards when
383
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:06,880
it came to their children,
fostering a culture of status
384
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:11,080
and respect.
They provided opportunities for
385
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,480
bigger picture perspective.
Yes.
386
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:17,480
So what are you really taking
away from this exploration that
387
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,240
we've done?
Yeah, I I don't think that I had
388
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,520
said it out loud until after
reading this before, but I've
389
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:26,960
been thinking it for a while,
which is there is no such thing
390
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,000
as boredom.
Yeah, you said that a couple
391
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,520
times in the House this weekend.
Yeah, I did.
392
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:39,720
I just it, it does not exist.
And if you're feeling bored, if
393
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:43,680
your kids are feeling bored,
it's not because they don't know
394
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:46,800
what to do, it's because they
want attention.
395
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:51,120
I always say boredom's a choice.
Yeah, but I think that a boredom
396
00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:54,320
is a lack of feeling like
someone is giving you attention
397
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:59,200
as opposed to I don't know what
to do What?
398
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:01,820
What about you?
What's your What's your big take
399
00:24:01,820 --> 00:24:04,800
away?
Well, of course, I really love
400
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:08,040
the parents climbing their own
mountains piece of this.
401
00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:15,800
I think that it's really cool to
think that I can do something,
402
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:19,240
that I can follow my own
passions and curiosities, and
403
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,520
that can be a model for our
children as opposed to something
404
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:24,920
that takes away from my
parenting.
405
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,560
And really, what I said at the
top of the episode is just like,
406
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:30,680
something to lean into with
confidence as opposed to
407
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,160
wondering if I'm doing the right
thing.
408
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,160
Yeah.
And then this idea of artifacts
409
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,720
that we've talked about, like,
really what is in the
410
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:38,960
environment that our children
will pick up on that we want
411
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:43,880
them to lean into at at least
provide the invitation, Yeah.
412
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:45,320
Absolutely.
Cool.
413
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:47,880
I think they've given us a lot
to think about the Collison
414
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,080
brothers and I'm excited.
I know Patrick Collison got
415
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:54,000
married in 2022, I believe.
Oh, cool.
416
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,240
And so at least as far as I
could tell, the no children yet.
417
00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,920
But I'm excited to hear how they
raised their kids.
418
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:01,640
Yeah, exactly.
Let the.
419
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,120
Story continue.
Everything here is ordinary,
420
00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:05,880
just a little extraordinary.
That's right.
421
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:09,200
That's why we're calling this
extraordinary families.
422
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,000
Exactly.
So thanks everybody for joining
423
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,840
us for extraordinary families,
the Collison brothers.
424
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:15,080
Yeah, we'll.
See you again soon.
425
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:18,440
Yes, Lovey Greasy.
Hey guys, if you're still here,
426
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:20,120
you're definitely our kind of
person.
427
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,120
Thanks for spending this time
with us on The Most Important
428
00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:25,680
Thing.
If this episode resonated with
429
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,120
you, we'd love for you to follow
us wherever you get your
430
00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:30,320
podcasts and share it with
someone else.
431
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,040
Building family culture on
purpose.
